Have you ever seen a picture of yourself someone tagged of you on facebook and cringed at the "angle" of the photo, which in Big Guhl Wuld means you are actually cringing and the number of chins you have, which happens to have a strong correlation to the number of oats Quaker has?
Not that I'm any expert or anything.
Or have you ever stayed up late watching The Golden Girls only to be swayed by yet another infomercial, this time revolving around the Neckline Slimmer?
Don't even tell me you weren't tempted the last time you went into Walgreens and saw that contraption beckoning: "Come to me all of you who are faux dieting and wearing heavy chins, and I will give you a slimmer neckline for your wedding photos."
What I'm trying to say is that I feel as if I've fallen off the self-control wagon, and the wagon went up about five inches once I fell off, adding much insult to my (albeit slightly cushioned) injury.
I'm not making excuses.
Actually, I am going to make a few. I was talking to my dad last night (he has lost a couple hundred pounds in the last two years) and lamenting to him about how expensive healthy food is sometimes.
SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, have you BEEN in the produce aisle lately? It's like highway robbery only I like to think of it as outside aisle robbery because they tell you that's the safest place for us to shop-less preservatives and sodium and such.
Also, there's the little fact that I pretty much spend more time in my car than I do anywhere else. This has furthered my ridiculously sedentary lifestyle and my dinner from a bag kind of life.
But at the end of the day, there really is no excuse. People have lost weight under much more difficult circumstances and have demonstrated self-control in much busier lifestyles than me.
boo.
That makes me feel guilty.
But guilt doesn't really change anything. Guilt is our human reaction to our sin. Conviction is our spiritual reaction to it.
Don't worry, I am also feeling convicted. I need to make some changes.
My God, my future husband and my future children deserve my efforts to live healthy, even with the opposition my crazy life offers. With this conversation still ringing in my head, and my life about to change in a totally ginormous way, it's time for me to quit talking (blogging) and start getting serious about it.
But not so serious that I drop a hundred pounds before the wedding. The dress is lace up and there's no way to take it in. And if it didn't fit anymore, that would make me totally have to eat my feelings.
How do you struggle with self-control?
Showing posts with label Vulnerability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vulnerability. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Disappointment
It's all about how we handle it, peeps.
Like me. I try to handle inWith a mint chocolate brownie ice cream sandwich on my desk with grace and dignity.
Or like Greg Norman the golfer who once said,
Like me. I try to handle in
Or like Greg Norman the golfer who once said,
"I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to run around like Dennis Rodman and head-butt somebody."
In light of disappointment: make ice-cream sandwiches, not war.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Weakness.
Insecurities.
We all have them.
Some of us
hide them
flaunt them
conceal them
reveal them to large groups of friends and strangers blog about them
try anything to overcome them
overcompensate for them
get angry about them
Very few people actually take delight in them. In fact, I know only one person who gave advice about that, or at least shared his story about what his weaknesses taught him. It might be a little familiar to you.
...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. (2 Cor. 12:7B-10, The Message)
Often my insecurities give me lots of thoughts and emotions, and not one of those thoughts or emotions have ever, EVER been relief!
A soldier is never relieved to see a chink in the armor.
A Neiman-Marcus shopper is never relieved to see a thread loose on that sale garment she got so excited about.
A model is never relieved to see a blemish on her face the day before her cover shoot (Have you ever seen ANTM? ack.).
You get the idea.
Can I be honest? heh heh. Like you could stop me.
My insecurities have been getting the best of me. Not Jesus. Not my loved ones. Not my job. Not my ministry.
Every single one of the aforementioned have lost out because of my many negative thoughts about myself, my self-doubt, and my desire to win the approval of others, only to fall miserably short. These are branches from the tree of lies Satan daily tries to prune (there is much MANURE for fertilization in these lies)....the lies that I hear so often I begin to believe. Instead of working on producing the fruit of the Spirit, these lies soak up all the resources I have, making me demand affirmation at every corner and sometimes wishing I could fade into the back row of life, so to speak.
It is uncomfortable, demanding, and awkward.
Relieved, I am not. Sick and tired is what I am.
and yet...
Paul tells me to consider these setbacks-weaknesses that come in the form of insecurity-as a means of avoiding pride, bringing about more faithful and constant communication with God and reliance on Him, making me more aware of my need for Christ, and learning to focus on how these limitations-these things that cause all of my many and varied insecurities-actually further the Kingdom when I relinquish them to Jesus!
Strong's tells me that the word translated as weakness in this passage can mean the following:
1) want of strength, weakness, infirmity
1a) of the body
1a1) its native weakness and frailty
1a2) feebleness of health or sickness
1b) of the soul
1b1) want of strength and capacity requisite
1b1a) to understand a thing
1b1b) to do things great and glorious
1b1c) to restrain corrupt desires
1b1d) to bear trials and troubles
I am in want of the strength and the capacity it takes to understand things, to do great and glorious things on my own, to restrain corrupt desires, and to bear hardship. I am frail, and my feeble attempts to offer righteousness are filthy rags to a Holy God.
What a beautiful thing to think that in my want, Jesus meets my needs. In my lack, He becomes greater and I become less.
That chink in the armor makes the soldier more aware-thus saving his life
The tiny thread pull is the very reason she got such a good deal, and no one else really notices it
The model is considered more "real" and down-to-earth because of her blemish and the magazine sells more copies (okay so maybe that one is far-fetched but just go with the illustration here people!)
When was the last time I thanked God for all of the ways He has used my weaknesses to bless me in the form of knowing Him more?
When was the last time I realized that without said insecurities, I might never have realized my need for Him?
When God made the sun stand still in the book of Joshua, the people knew it was not Joshua that made it happen. They recognized his limitations as a man. He was a man of God, but he was still a man.
I want people to know my limitations so God's glory can be recognized and applauded.I'm praying that Jesus will use my weaknesses and my insecurities as a megaphone declaring God's glory to all of those around me.
Lysa Terkeurst says to invite God into our lack. I think she's onto something.
Won't you join me in that prayer?
We all have them.
Some of us
hide them
flaunt them
conceal them
try anything to overcome them
overcompensate for them
get angry about them
Very few people actually take delight in them. In fact, I know only one person who gave advice about that, or at least shared his story about what his weaknesses taught him. It might be a little familiar to you.
...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. (2 Cor. 12:7B-10, The Message)
Often my insecurities give me lots of thoughts and emotions, and not one of those thoughts or emotions have ever, EVER been relief!
A soldier is never relieved to see a chink in the armor.
A Neiman-Marcus shopper is never relieved to see a thread loose on that sale garment she got so excited about.
A model is never relieved to see a blemish on her face the day before her cover shoot (Have you ever seen ANTM? ack.).
You get the idea.
Can I be honest? heh heh. Like you could stop me.
My insecurities have been getting the best of me. Not Jesus. Not my loved ones. Not my job. Not my ministry.
Every single one of the aforementioned have lost out because of my many negative thoughts about myself, my self-doubt, and my desire to win the approval of others, only to fall miserably short. These are branches from the tree of lies Satan daily tries to prune (there is much MANURE for fertilization in these lies)....the lies that I hear so often I begin to believe. Instead of working on producing the fruit of the Spirit, these lies soak up all the resources I have, making me demand affirmation at every corner and sometimes wishing I could fade into the back row of life, so to speak.
It is uncomfortable, demanding, and awkward.
Relieved, I am not. Sick and tired is what I am.
and yet...
Paul tells me to consider these setbacks-weaknesses that come in the form of insecurity-as a means of avoiding pride, bringing about more faithful and constant communication with God and reliance on Him, making me more aware of my need for Christ, and learning to focus on how these limitations-these things that cause all of my many and varied insecurities-actually further the Kingdom when I relinquish them to Jesus!
Strong's tells me that the word translated as weakness in this passage can mean the following:
1) want of strength, weakness, infirmity
1a) of the body
1a1) its native weakness and frailty
1a2) feebleness of health or sickness
1b) of the soul
1b1) want of strength and capacity requisite
1b1a) to understand a thing
1b1b) to do things great and glorious
1b1c) to restrain corrupt desires
1b1d) to bear trials and troubles
I am in want of the strength and the capacity it takes to understand things, to do great and glorious things on my own, to restrain corrupt desires, and to bear hardship. I am frail, and my feeble attempts to offer righteousness are filthy rags to a Holy God.
What a beautiful thing to think that in my want, Jesus meets my needs. In my lack, He becomes greater and I become less.
That chink in the armor makes the soldier more aware-thus saving his life
The tiny thread pull is the very reason she got such a good deal, and no one else really notices it
The model is considered more "real" and down-to-earth because of her blemish and the magazine sells more copies (okay so maybe that one is far-fetched but just go with the illustration here people!)
When was the last time I thanked God for all of the ways He has used my weaknesses to bless me in the form of knowing Him more?
When was the last time I realized that without said insecurities, I might never have realized my need for Him?
When God made the sun stand still in the book of Joshua, the people knew it was not Joshua that made it happen. They recognized his limitations as a man. He was a man of God, but he was still a man.
I want people to know my limitations so God's glory can be recognized and applauded.I'm praying that Jesus will use my weaknesses and my insecurities as a megaphone declaring God's glory to all of those around me.
Lysa Terkeurst says to invite God into our lack. I think she's onto something.
Won't you join me in that prayer?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Troubled.
I had a meltdown last Saturday.
I still have bad days-they seem to just get fewer and farther between-but they still have the intensity they did when Mom died.
My dad, aunts, and I went out with Toots to celebrate her 83rd birthday. We were in the restaurant laughing at Toots and her penchant for pink sweetener all over everything on her plate to 'doctor it up' and my aunts innocently began making small talk-asking me about my life and such. I began to share about how things were going well, but....
This bit of perhaps unwarranted vulnerability-sometimes June comes bustin' out all over, and by June I mean That Girl- surprised everyone. They tried to make me feel better that things take time and sometimes we're living on dreams and spaghetti-Os wondering where our lives are gonna go, as Martina McB says. Bless their hearts, they didn't know what to do with That Girl who suddenly turned on the waterworks and began to cry. I wasn't crying about my life. It really is lovely. I am thankful for my many blessings.
Honestly, I was weeping because I had looked at the occupants of my table and realized that there was a seat with no occupant. In that moment I felt so defeated and sorrow filled my heart as I realized for the millionth time that she would never be at a special family event again. There will be a hole at K's 7th birthday party this weekend. No one to call me early in the morning and tell me she was thankful for her unexpected pregnancy @36 when I turn 24 next month. No one to light the unity candle someday or to talk me through my first baby's fever. No one to tell me that she's still my biggest fan when I mess up, cry with me when my feelings are hurt or to tell me ever so gently that the skirt makes my hips look big and wouldn't this be a better choice for my body shape?!
No more of those beautiful things.
My heart was troubled.
I think as believers we have a responsibility to ask why. Jesus instructs us to be like children, and all the children I know ask 3 billion questions, sometimes again and again if they forget the answer of why the sky is blue or the grass is green.
After my tiny yet embarrassing scene crying in front of my family, where I wandered around looking like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer because of my slightly ugly cry trying to find the bathroom, somehow I attracted the stare of every.single.patron in the whole joint who were trying to figure out who is That Girl anyway and why did she just open up the door to the supply closet?
( Can't I even have a moment of sadness gracefully here?! )
Then Dad decided to drive by the cemetery. Here comes Waterworld again.
I got out of the car and shut the door. Through my tears I stood and looked at the butterfly on her stone. I couldn't really see it that well through all the tears collected in my eyes. I looked at her birth and death dates and got mad all over again.
why?
this is really no good, in case You haven't noticed, I told Him.
Then I do what I always do, mad or not but always through teary eyes, went to the other side of the grave.
I made myself read it.
I ran my fingers along the words and tried to get the dust off off the grave, so cool to my touch in the heat of the day.
My peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Then it came. Not the answer I wanted, but the one I needed.
Don't be troubled.
It sounds really simple, and yet when my eyes focused in on the word troubled, I could hear my Savior's voice. Not audibly of course, but that still small voice.
In this world you will have trouble. The tricky part is not to let it trouble you.
I may have Trouble. But Trouble doesn't have me.
After typing the word trouble so many times I want to also tell you that the word looks weird to me now. My apologies.
My heart has seen difficulty. My life has been changed. The fact that I belong to Jesus has not changed, and although tragedy and heartache have come knocking on my door and I have repeatedly asked why, he has told me that sometimes the answer is not as important as the faith it takes to ask the question. I may ask why, but I won't let the lack of a full blueprint trouble my heart. I won't be troubled by the lack of answers. Instead, I will let that perfect peace rest deep in my heart and soul--the peace that even as I ask the same questions again and again, I may not get every answer just this second but I will be safe and he will provide for me, like a parent cares for a child. The peace that he loves me and that he knows how much of the answer I can handle right now, and how much needs to be saved for later.
I won't be troubled come Saturday. I'll see my mom's smile on K's face when she opens her brand new Princess Protection Program DVD (the gift that keeps on giving-shhh) and I'll know that Mom is no longer troubled by things like cancer, or chemo, or bills to pay, or even sin. He will grant me the peace of HOPE in redemption and resurrection.
I leave you with a Puritan prayer that has really encouraged me.
I've been praying for you today. May the peace of Christ be with you now and forever.
I still have bad days-they seem to just get fewer and farther between-but they still have the intensity they did when Mom died.
My dad, aunts, and I went out with Toots to celebrate her 83rd birthday. We were in the restaurant laughing at Toots and her penchant for pink sweetener all over everything on her plate to 'doctor it up' and my aunts innocently began making small talk-asking me about my life and such. I began to share about how things were going well, but....
This bit of perhaps unwarranted vulnerability-sometimes June comes bustin' out all over, and by June I mean That Girl- surprised everyone. They tried to make me feel better that things take time and sometimes we're living on dreams and spaghetti-Os wondering where our lives are gonna go, as Martina McB says. Bless their hearts, they didn't know what to do with That Girl who suddenly turned on the waterworks and began to cry. I wasn't crying about my life. It really is lovely. I am thankful for my many blessings.
Honestly, I was weeping because I had looked at the occupants of my table and realized that there was a seat with no occupant. In that moment I felt so defeated and sorrow filled my heart as I realized for the millionth time that she would never be at a special family event again. There will be a hole at K's 7th birthday party this weekend. No one to call me early in the morning and tell me she was thankful for her unexpected pregnancy @36 when I turn 24 next month. No one to light the unity candle someday or to talk me through my first baby's fever. No one to tell me that she's still my biggest fan when I mess up, cry with me when my feelings are hurt or to tell me ever so gently that the skirt makes my hips look big and wouldn't this be a better choice for my body shape?!
No more of those beautiful things.
My heart was troubled.
I think as believers we have a responsibility to ask why. Jesus instructs us to be like children, and all the children I know ask 3 billion questions, sometimes again and again if they forget the answer of why the sky is blue or the grass is green.
After my tiny yet embarrassing scene crying in front of my family, where I wandered around looking like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer because of my slightly ugly cry trying to find the bathroom, somehow I attracted the stare of every.single.patron in the whole joint who were trying to figure out who is That Girl anyway and why did she just open up the door to the supply closet?
( Can't I even have a moment of sadness gracefully here?! )
Then Dad decided to drive by the cemetery. Here comes Waterworld again.
I got out of the car and shut the door. Through my tears I stood and looked at the butterfly on her stone. I couldn't really see it that well through all the tears collected in my eyes. I looked at her birth and death dates and got mad all over again.
why?
this is really no good, in case You haven't noticed, I told Him.
Then I do what I always do, mad or not but always through teary eyes, went to the other side of the grave.
I made myself read it.
I ran my fingers along the words and tried to get the dust off off the grave, so cool to my touch in the heat of the day.
My peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Then it came. Not the answer I wanted, but the one I needed.
Don't be troubled.
It sounds really simple, and yet when my eyes focused in on the word troubled, I could hear my Savior's voice. Not audibly of course, but that still small voice.
In this world you will have trouble. The tricky part is not to let it trouble you.
I may have Trouble. But Trouble doesn't have me.
After typing the word trouble so many times I want to also tell you that the word looks weird to me now. My apologies.
My heart has seen difficulty. My life has been changed. The fact that I belong to Jesus has not changed, and although tragedy and heartache have come knocking on my door and I have repeatedly asked why, he has told me that sometimes the answer is not as important as the faith it takes to ask the question. I may ask why, but I won't let the lack of a full blueprint trouble my heart. I won't be troubled by the lack of answers. Instead, I will let that perfect peace rest deep in my heart and soul--the peace that even as I ask the same questions again and again, I may not get every answer just this second but I will be safe and he will provide for me, like a parent cares for a child. The peace that he loves me and that he knows how much of the answer I can handle right now, and how much needs to be saved for later.
I won't be troubled come Saturday. I'll see my mom's smile on K's face when she opens her brand new Princess Protection Program DVD (the gift that keeps on giving-shhh) and I'll know that Mom is no longer troubled by things like cancer, or chemo, or bills to pay, or even sin. He will grant me the peace of HOPE in redemption and resurrection.
I leave you with a Puritan prayer that has really encouraged me.
O God, most high, most glorious, the thought of Thine infinite serenity cheers
me, for I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed, but Thou art for ever
at perfect peace. Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment, they
stand fast as the eternal hills. Thy power knows no bond, Thy goodness no stint.
Thou bringest order out of confusion, and my defeats are Thy victories: The Lord
God omnipotent reigneth.
I come to Thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows, to leave every concern entirely to Thee, every sin calling for Christ's precious blood; revive deep spirituality in my heart; let me live near to the great Shepherd, hear His voice, know its tones, follow its calls. Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth, from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit. Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities, burning into me by experience the things I know; Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel, that I may bear its reproach, vindicate it, see Jesus as
its essence, know in it the power of the Spirit.
Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill; unbelief mars my confidence, sin makes me forget Thee. Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots; grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to Thee, that all else is trifling. Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy. Abide in me, gracious God.
I've been praying for you today. May the peace of Christ be with you now and forever.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Simple Fool.
Wow--I rediscovered a love from years past today and I want to share with you today.
My first year as an RA, one of my sweet residents, Melissa, introduced me to this band called Simple Fool. I wore that CD OUT! I have yet to find another one, but I found their myspace and I think you should GO TO IT and listen to my favorites:
I Know Now
and
Daughter
Daughter is such a great song for a woman like me. It's one of those songs I would have liked to have written--was someone following me around as a sophomore in college and writing songs about my life?
I feel like somebody needs to listen to this song today.
Maybe it's just me.
Man, that line...
I'll wrap my arms around you when you can't sleep...
gets me every time.
My mom used to talk about Jesus holding her a lot. She loved that painting of the little lamb in the arms of Jesus. She said she was that little lamb.
I don't know who needs this today but here it is...Believing He will use this to heal your heart a little, sister.
tears fall
lips quiver
she wears her heart on her sleeve
her mouth smiles
her eyes don't sometimes
life's hard to believe
door's been closed
and blankets pulled over her head
her mind goes over
the things that have been said
I will love you unconditionally
I'll wrap my arms around you
when you can't sleep
and I'll hold your head
when you just weep and weep
Daughter, I'll love you
Can this be
when I've failed You
again and again
there are days
when I don't even talk to You, oh
and I don't deserve this
I don't deserve You
I don't deserve this
I don't deserve You
You say
I will love you unconditionally
I'll wrap my arms around you
when you can't sleep
and I'll hold your head
when you just weep and weep
Daughter, I'll love you unconditionally
Daughters, He will love you unconditionally--His love is not like the love of this world.
Love you all.
My first year as an RA, one of my sweet residents, Melissa, introduced me to this band called Simple Fool. I wore that CD OUT! I have yet to find another one, but I found their myspace and I think you should GO TO IT and listen to my favorites:
I Know Now
and
Daughter
Daughter is such a great song for a woman like me. It's one of those songs I would have liked to have written--was someone following me around as a sophomore in college and writing songs about my life?
I feel like somebody needs to listen to this song today.
Maybe it's just me.
Man, that line...
I'll wrap my arms around you when you can't sleep...
gets me every time.
My mom used to talk about Jesus holding her a lot. She loved that painting of the little lamb in the arms of Jesus. She said she was that little lamb.
I don't know who needs this today but here it is...Believing He will use this to heal your heart a little, sister.
tears fall
lips quiver
she wears her heart on her sleeve
her mouth smiles
her eyes don't sometimes
life's hard to believe
door's been closed
and blankets pulled over her head
her mind goes over
the things that have been said
I will love you unconditionally
I'll wrap my arms around you
when you can't sleep
and I'll hold your head
when you just weep and weep
Daughter, I'll love you
Can this be
when I've failed You
again and again
there are days
when I don't even talk to You, oh
and I don't deserve this
I don't deserve You
I don't deserve this
I don't deserve You
You say
I will love you unconditionally
I'll wrap my arms around you
when you can't sleep
and I'll hold your head
when you just weep and weep
Daughter, I'll love you unconditionally
Daughters, He will love you unconditionally--His love is not like the love of this world.
Love you all.
Friday, March 6, 2009
"Pull Me Out."
I was talking with a friend today who is struggling with depression, and I couldn't help but think of this song. If you have ever battled depression, you know it is like a veil placed over your face, and everything you see, hear, and feel, is through the tint of darkness. God is a God of light, and as CS Lewis says, the light can override the darkness, but the darkness can never overcome the light.
I think this song by Bebo Norman says it pretty well...
If you need prayer for depression, please email me.
I think this song by Bebo Norman says it pretty well...
If you need prayer for depression, please email me.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Finish This Statement. (300th Post!)
**Update: I just realized I hit my 300th post! Praise God for all that He has done in giving me an outlet as well as the ministry God has given me here. Most of all, I praise God for you, my readers who keep reaching out and share your lives with me. You don't know how much that really means to me. I believe my readers are changing the world!**
I believe....
Here's mine.
I believe...
love is not blind. Rather it sees everything and still survives.
you try!
I believe....
Here's mine.
I believe...
love is not blind. Rather it sees everything and still survives.
you try!
Monday, January 19, 2009
(I Have) Confidence.
One of my favorite films of all time happens to have Julie Andrews prancing and twirling on the side of a mountain. Who can't love that?
Can I get some love for "The Sound of Music"?
I also love this film more than just for its incorporation of prancing, though.
If you'll remember, she decided to leave the convent and become a governess for children she has never met. That decision ends up changing her life (and the family's life) for the better. On her way to meet the Von Trapp family, she sings the song called "(I Have) Confidence."
It's a song about convincing herself that she has what it takes.
------------------
Yesterday evening, I had what I sometimes refer to as an "ugly duckling moment." I'm sure some of you can relate to this phenomenon. It involves:
*feelings of inadequacy
*looking in the mirror and shaking your head
*imagining what lipo would really be like
*thinking about those 10 (or 50)extra pounds and how to get them off quickly
*comparisons to other "more beautiful" women
*a pint of Ben and Jerry's (if you're lucky)
*lack of confidence
*loved ones and friends having to pick up the pieces of some scattered self-esteem
I am being vulnerable here for the sake of knowing that someone out there has had this same experience and wonders if it will ever change.
I have had more than my share of these moments lately as I prepare to give a message called "God Designed You" to some young women on Valentine's Day. The timing says it's our enemy who would not like for me to have confidence in who I am so I can't really speak with the boldness and experience of a women who knows who she is in Christ.
Why?
Because it's dangerous you know. Women who know where true courage and confidence is found. The kind of confidence that knows
*with the Holy Spirit resurrection power, she can do anything
*she is lookin' good, because she is fearfully and wonderfully made and even bad hair days can't take away that from her
*knows that she could stand to lose a few pounds but is learning to take comfort from Jesus and not food (retraining my brain-Romans 12)
*she is unique, so comparisons are like apples and oranges, so to speak
*that confidence comes from knowing a true identity in Christ
Why is it dangerous?
Because a girl like that could change the world, you know.
So what does this mean? I think it's high time we as women (and men for that matter) start memorizing Psalm 139 and telling the enemy where he can go with the fact that we are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made.
It was really a sight in my apartment last night, me quoting scripture last night and telling the enemy to get himself lost in a cauldron of hot sauce, so to speak...
Unfortunately, this was not after pushing my insecurities off onto the lap of my beloved, asking him questions he often refuses to answer, like why he loves me. He can see it coming a mile away. I tried to explain why I needed to hear that, but when I found myself justifying it, I saw how much it hurt his feelings and how much for me, it was less about Seth and more about my relationship with Jesus. More about how I don't believe HIM when HE SAYS I'm beautiful and capable and worthy of love.
I want to believe that. I have wanted to believe that for a very long time...but just like another famous movie character said, "There is no try."
So it's time to give up wanting to believe those things and start actually believing them.
Just like Maria....
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me
And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
The only difference between Mrs. Von Trapp and me is that I don't have confidence in me. But I do have confidence in the Jesus in me.
What are some of your insecurities and what is God doing to dispel them?
Can I get some love for "The Sound of Music"?
I also love this film more than just for its incorporation of prancing, though.
If you'll remember, she decided to leave the convent and become a governess for children she has never met. That decision ends up changing her life (and the family's life) for the better. On her way to meet the Von Trapp family, she sings the song called "(I Have) Confidence."
It's a song about convincing herself that she has what it takes.
------------------
Yesterday evening, I had what I sometimes refer to as an "ugly duckling moment." I'm sure some of you can relate to this phenomenon. It involves:
*feelings of inadequacy
*looking in the mirror and shaking your head
*imagining what lipo would really be like
*thinking about those 10 (or 50)extra pounds and how to get them off quickly
*comparisons to other "more beautiful" women
*a pint of Ben and Jerry's (if you're lucky)
*lack of confidence
*loved ones and friends having to pick up the pieces of some scattered self-esteem
I am being vulnerable here for the sake of knowing that someone out there has had this same experience and wonders if it will ever change.
I have had more than my share of these moments lately as I prepare to give a message called "God Designed You" to some young women on Valentine's Day. The timing says it's our enemy who would not like for me to have confidence in who I am so I can't really speak with the boldness and experience of a women who knows who she is in Christ.
Why?
Because it's dangerous you know. Women who know where true courage and confidence is found. The kind of confidence that knows
*with the Holy Spirit resurrection power, she can do anything
*she is lookin' good, because she is fearfully and wonderfully made and even bad hair days can't take away that from her
*knows that she could stand to lose a few pounds but is learning to take comfort from Jesus and not food (retraining my brain-Romans 12)
*she is unique, so comparisons are like apples and oranges, so to speak
*that confidence comes from knowing a true identity in Christ
Why is it dangerous?
Because a girl like that could change the world, you know.
So what does this mean? I think it's high time we as women (and men for that matter) start memorizing Psalm 139 and telling the enemy where he can go with the fact that we are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made.
It was really a sight in my apartment last night, me quoting scripture last night and telling the enemy to get himself lost in a cauldron of hot sauce, so to speak...
Unfortunately, this was not after pushing my insecurities off onto the lap of my beloved, asking him questions he often refuses to answer, like why he loves me. He can see it coming a mile away. I tried to explain why I needed to hear that, but when I found myself justifying it, I saw how much it hurt his feelings and how much for me, it was less about Seth and more about my relationship with Jesus. More about how I don't believe HIM when HE SAYS I'm beautiful and capable and worthy of love.
I want to believe that. I have wanted to believe that for a very long time...but just like another famous movie character said, "There is no try."
So it's time to give up wanting to believe those things and start actually believing them.
Just like Maria....
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me
And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
The only difference between Mrs. Von Trapp and me is that I don't have confidence in me. But I do have confidence in the Jesus in me.
What are some of your insecurities and what is God doing to dispel them?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Like Waves.
It comes and goes. Either in strong doses or a weak ache, it's my constant companion in these last few months.
The grief is not as strong as he is.
But honestly, I can feel it more than I feel him sometimes.
I know Truth. It has settled deep in my bones, just like it did for the prophet Jeremiah. But I refuse to lie to you tonight. Truth is not some kind of painkiller, a Lortab to make me sleep it off or something. It does not erase the pain.
Instead, it reminds me who can calm the waves.
the waves around me. the waves in me.
A wonderful thirtysomething mom was taken from her loving husband and children this week. I cried lots of tears for them tonight. Then I cried a little for my own self.
I was in the shower sobbing and I decided to once again take Anne Lamott's advice:
"Help me. Help me. Help me."
help me let the pain do its work so You can change me. help me survive this broken heart. help me be broken. help me not to be mad at You right now. help me to be brave enough to go ahead and ask the questions that scare me. help me to receive even the answers I cannot understand.
but also tempered with
"thank you. thank you. thank you."
thank You for twenty-two years of wisdom. of hugs and kisses. of snuggling on friday nights. of laughter. of loving each other and macaroni and tomatoes at ten pm. of living life with that beautiful creature that made me her priority.
I just hate it for that sweet lady's little boys. and I pray that they can start praying helpme/thankyou earlier than I did. and that they don't feel swallowed by all these waves.
"he is close to the brokenhearted. he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
The grief is not as strong as he is.
But honestly, I can feel it more than I feel him sometimes.
I know Truth. It has settled deep in my bones, just like it did for the prophet Jeremiah. But I refuse to lie to you tonight. Truth is not some kind of painkiller, a Lortab to make me sleep it off or something. It does not erase the pain.
Instead, it reminds me who can calm the waves.
the waves around me. the waves in me.
A wonderful thirtysomething mom was taken from her loving husband and children this week. I cried lots of tears for them tonight. Then I cried a little for my own self.
I was in the shower sobbing and I decided to once again take Anne Lamott's advice:
"Help me. Help me. Help me."
help me let the pain do its work so You can change me. help me survive this broken heart. help me be broken. help me not to be mad at You right now. help me to be brave enough to go ahead and ask the questions that scare me. help me to receive even the answers I cannot understand.
but also tempered with
"thank you. thank you. thank you."
thank You for twenty-two years of wisdom. of hugs and kisses. of snuggling on friday nights. of laughter. of loving each other and macaroni and tomatoes at ten pm. of living life with that beautiful creature that made me her priority.
I just hate it for that sweet lady's little boys. and I pray that they can start praying helpme/thankyou earlier than I did. and that they don't feel swallowed by all these waves.
"he is close to the brokenhearted. he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Refining the Fire in me.
This past week, I have to confess that I was mean. Really mean. And what's worse is that I tried to use PMS as a valid excuse for my bad behavior.
I am ridiculous.
I was mean for no reason....
especially to the man I love. I couldn't nail down why, either. Nearest target, maybe...
Bethany Dillon wrote on her blog a few months ago about a time when she was mean to her fiance, Shane Barnard:
"Now, this is gonna be pretty transparent, but I think you guys can handle it. :) Last night, I was sitting in the back lounge of our bus, about to leave Yorba Linda Friends church for Roseville, talking to my wonderful fiancee on the phone... I'd had SUCH a good day... the Lord had really been speaking to me about my fallenness and how much I am NOT selfless or truly compassionate... which may not sound like the ingredients for a good day, but it was. His discipline is like nothing else, let me tell ya. Soo... I'm all in my "spiritual-mode", if you know what I mean- asking about his day, trying to be encouraging and a good listener, sharing about my day-- all good, good, good, until....... Hello, Miss Attitude! Out of the clear blue sky (whoda thunk?), something very very very small rubbed me juuust wrong and that was it. I was ticked. Why? I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I remember what the catalyst was... but it's not even big enough to mention. And the worst part? I KNEW that I was being a jerk, and didn't do anything about it! And wouldn't you know it, as soon as sweet, sweet Shane got off the phone (I'm in awe of how gentle he is in the face of my crappiness) I wanted to call him right back and apologize until I got blue in the face. Instead, I texted him. :) Something really restrained, you know? Restrained in that... my HEART wanted to really repent, but my flesh still wasn't letting me."
I am also in awe of how gentle Seth was in the midst of my wretchedness toward him and the world. It was like I was trying to pick a fight, but Seth refused to let me. He told me the truth and asked me to believe and trust God and him. All week my passive-aggressive behavior continued, but Seth was just like Jesus--not letting me believe the lies, but not telling me what an idiot I was. He struck this amazing balance with me that was evidence to me of the continual growth of the fruit of the Spirit in his life (and my obvious lack of the pursuit of the fruit in my own life this week--ouch). He was patient with me, when I wasn't being at all patient with him. Instead of smarting off or telling me where to "shove it" he showed me something:
this is what makes me more like Jesus.
Seth calling it out for what it was allowed me to recognize my sinful behavior but not feel condemned for it. His gentleness helped me experience the love of Christ more than if he would have yelled or screamed or been angry with me. The refining fire of unconditional love is more power than the fury of anger.
God knows this. It's His love that brings out the impurities. His wrath is there too, but the love is what draws us to change. The love and patience Seth showed to me when I deserved it the least made me want to be a better woman. A woman deserving of such patience and love.
Isn't it the same with Jesus? I think so. Doesn't the fire of His love make the impurities come to the surface? His gentle truth makes me want to be a better woman. I wish I could get my mind around it to write a more eloquent description of the love that makes us desire to be better.
His love makes me want to be and to love just like Him.
I am ridiculous.
I was mean for no reason....
especially to the man I love. I couldn't nail down why, either. Nearest target, maybe...
Bethany Dillon wrote on her blog a few months ago about a time when she was mean to her fiance, Shane Barnard:
"Now, this is gonna be pretty transparent, but I think you guys can handle it. :) Last night, I was sitting in the back lounge of our bus, about to leave Yorba Linda Friends church for Roseville, talking to my wonderful fiancee on the phone... I'd had SUCH a good day... the Lord had really been speaking to me about my fallenness and how much I am NOT selfless or truly compassionate... which may not sound like the ingredients for a good day, but it was. His discipline is like nothing else, let me tell ya. Soo... I'm all in my "spiritual-mode", if you know what I mean- asking about his day, trying to be encouraging and a good listener, sharing about my day-- all good, good, good, until....... Hello, Miss Attitude! Out of the clear blue sky (whoda thunk?), something very very very small rubbed me juuust wrong and that was it. I was ticked. Why? I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I remember what the catalyst was... but it's not even big enough to mention. And the worst part? I KNEW that I was being a jerk, and didn't do anything about it! And wouldn't you know it, as soon as sweet, sweet Shane got off the phone (I'm in awe of how gentle he is in the face of my crappiness) I wanted to call him right back and apologize until I got blue in the face. Instead, I texted him. :) Something really restrained, you know? Restrained in that... my HEART wanted to really repent, but my flesh still wasn't letting me."
I am also in awe of how gentle Seth was in the midst of my wretchedness toward him and the world. It was like I was trying to pick a fight, but Seth refused to let me. He told me the truth and asked me to believe and trust God and him. All week my passive-aggressive behavior continued, but Seth was just like Jesus--not letting me believe the lies, but not telling me what an idiot I was. He struck this amazing balance with me that was evidence to me of the continual growth of the fruit of the Spirit in his life (and my obvious lack of the pursuit of the fruit in my own life this week--ouch). He was patient with me, when I wasn't being at all patient with him. Instead of smarting off or telling me where to "shove it" he showed me something:
this is what makes me more like Jesus.
Seth calling it out for what it was allowed me to recognize my sinful behavior but not feel condemned for it. His gentleness helped me experience the love of Christ more than if he would have yelled or screamed or been angry with me. The refining fire of unconditional love is more power than the fury of anger.
God knows this. It's His love that brings out the impurities. His wrath is there too, but the love is what draws us to change. The love and patience Seth showed to me when I deserved it the least made me want to be a better woman. A woman deserving of such patience and love.
Isn't it the same with Jesus? I think so. Doesn't the fire of His love make the impurities come to the surface? His gentle truth makes me want to be a better woman. I wish I could get my mind around it to write a more eloquent description of the love that makes us desire to be better.
His love makes me want to be and to love just like Him.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Am I more than you bargained for yet....
That's a line from a song.
I was thinking about this recently. Do you ever feel like you're either too much or not enough?
I sure do. Either I spend my time and energy in a way that overwhelms them....
or underwhelms them. Or sometimes I am so underwhelming that it overwhelms them and sometimes I am so overwhelming that they are not impressed and they end up underwhelmed.
Catch all that?
Yep, it's exhausting.
I've been a Christian for several years and I find myself still daily having to repent for concerning myself with what people think. Yep, I'm coming out of the closet: I am a people-pleaser.
Too bad I rarely live up to that title, huh?
So the other day, I was reading A Heart Like His by Beth Moore and Dale McCleskey, and once again I was reminded about David's life and why it never pays to be a people-pleaser:
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
after reading that, this is what I want you to know:
My name is Lauren, and I am a recovering people-pleaser.
I was thinking about this recently. Do you ever feel like you're either too much or not enough?
I sure do. Either I spend my time and energy in a way that overwhelms them....
or underwhelms them. Or sometimes I am so underwhelming that it overwhelms them and sometimes I am so overwhelming that they are not impressed and they end up underwhelmed.
Catch all that?
Yep, it's exhausting.
I've been a Christian for several years and I find myself still daily having to repent for concerning myself with what people think. Yep, I'm coming out of the closet: I am a people-pleaser.
Too bad I rarely live up to that title, huh?
So the other day, I was reading A Heart Like His by Beth Moore and Dale McCleskey, and once again I was reminded about David's life and why it never pays to be a people-pleaser:
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
after reading that, this is what I want you to know:
My name is Lauren, and I am a recovering people-pleaser.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Lyrics With Lauren: Better Late than Never??
Today I was standing in the bathroom getting ready, and Hannah and Ellie were in there with me. I noticed a couple of zits and a few extra pounds in the mirror and was being critical of myself in my mind.
All of a sudden, God used a spunky three-year-old to put me in my place. Hannah started singing a song I didn't know that she knew. That in itself wasn't too surprising, but it was more about the song she sang.
You make everything Glorious.
You make everything Glorious.
You make everything Glorious.
she didn't know the next line was....
What does that make me?
so here it is. Hannah picked it. so sorry it's late.
Everything Glorious (DC*B)
The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?
My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
From glory to glory
You are glorious
You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious.
You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
From glory to glory
From glory to glory
You are glorious.
[ahem]...
Think I found my God Designed You song.
thanks hann.
All of a sudden, God used a spunky three-year-old to put me in my place. Hannah started singing a song I didn't know that she knew. That in itself wasn't too surprising, but it was more about the song she sang.
You make everything Glorious.
You make everything Glorious.
You make everything Glorious.
she didn't know the next line was....
What does that make me?
so here it is. Hannah picked it. so sorry it's late.
Everything Glorious (DC*B)
The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?
My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
From glory to glory
You are glorious
You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious.
You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
From glory to glory
From glory to glory
You are glorious.
[ahem]...
Think I found my God Designed You song.
thanks hann.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Abide.
sorry for the lack of postage.
hahahah.
get it?!!?
postage...
yeeeaaaaahh.
It's just that I'm exhausted in every way possible.
so I will keep this short and sweet:
"That girl..." is learning what it means to abide. I don't mean the kind of abide where you sit for hours in your big red chair with God's Word open. I'd love to do that more than just a few minutes every day but these last few weeks have been jam-packed lately and I don't have hours to sit in God's presence.
I mean the kind of abide where you hide behind your Father's pantleg watching with one hand over your eye waiting for something to happen.
see the difference? Maybe only I understand this post....
whatever. I am going to continue for my own sake.
I mean the kind of abide where all you can do is sit on your Father's lap and sob at the end of the day knowing that His sovereignty is more than you can handle and all that you can't take in but at the same time all that you can't ignore and all that gives you hope.
I'm sleepy. peace out.
one more thing...
God also abides in us. WOW.
hahahah.
get it?!!?
postage...
yeeeaaaaahh.
It's just that I'm exhausted in every way possible.
so I will keep this short and sweet:
"That girl..." is learning what it means to abide. I don't mean the kind of abide where you sit for hours in your big red chair with God's Word open. I'd love to do that more than just a few minutes every day but these last few weeks have been jam-packed lately and I don't have hours to sit in God's presence.
I mean the kind of abide where you hide behind your Father's pantleg watching with one hand over your eye waiting for something to happen.
see the difference? Maybe only I understand this post....
whatever. I am going to continue for my own sake.
I mean the kind of abide where all you can do is sit on your Father's lap and sob at the end of the day knowing that His sovereignty is more than you can handle and all that you can't take in but at the same time all that you can't ignore and all that gives you hope.
I'm sleepy. peace out.
one more thing...
God also abides in us. WOW.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
That Girl...
rarely gets it right.
my friend Joe (click on today's blog title to check out his stuff...) wrote a song once, and this was the hook for it:
"If you want to know how much I think of my mistakes/
When it's quiet and when I am awake."
Silly me. When will I learn how to deal with everything gently and with grace, instead of dealing with it like a trucker that drives into the local Mikasa?
(or, as my mama used to say, "Laur, you are like a bull in a china shop." sad but true.)
"when it's quiet," and I survey the damage, I wonder if my trip to Mikasa was really worth it or not.
to all of my dear, Good Blog Readers: please, please, please be patient. "That girl..." is a work in progress. I need that "Caution" tape around me wherever I go to let people know that I am dangerous and wreak havoc on a lot of beautiful things.
Bebo says it best:
"every single heart that I have held/in my hands/in my clumsy hands/I fumbled them around until they fell/It's much safer ground/just keeping to myself/but I will wait for tomorrow..."
but community is funny like that in that hopefully, they see through the messes I make to someone who desires to be fully alive and has the capacity to love with abandon.
and they ignore the caution tape.
psalm 51:6.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Lyrics With Lauren: Talk About It.
A couple of housekeeping things: (sounds cool in my head...)
shout out to Sandy C., who I understand occasionally stops by here.
Please pray for Andrew and Isaac today.
Christy F.--Guess who my "new friend" is for #36? Haha. God is sooo good!
onward, blog junkies...
I am convinced that communication is a necessity for true community. I have shared this in other blogs. As I shared a message God has for a retreat I am involved in later on this month, I am convinced that the pain we have walked through is so that God may be glorified and people might catch a glimpse of him and be changed forever. This is our opportunity to proclaim who he is and that he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness, no matter what dark trials we walk through.
I am grateful for the people in my life. And you, dear Good Blog Reader(s) are no exception. So this song is for you and me today to remind us that we should never hold back. Terri and I had a conversation about this recently. We rarely hold back when the Divine (and it is Divine) opportunity comes to share our hearts with those who love and minister to us.
Say (What You Need to Say)
by John Mayer.
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only, you could only
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then to never say what you need to say
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say
shout out to Sandy C., who I understand occasionally stops by here.
Please pray for Andrew and Isaac today.
Christy F.--Guess who my "new friend" is for #36? Haha. God is sooo good!
onward, blog junkies...
I am convinced that communication is a necessity for true community. I have shared this in other blogs. As I shared a message God has for a retreat I am involved in later on this month, I am convinced that the pain we have walked through is so that God may be glorified and people might catch a glimpse of him and be changed forever. This is our opportunity to proclaim who he is and that he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness, no matter what dark trials we walk through.
I am grateful for the people in my life. And you, dear Good Blog Reader(s) are no exception. So this song is for you and me today to remind us that we should never hold back. Terri and I had a conversation about this recently. We rarely hold back when the Divine (and it is Divine) opportunity comes to share our hearts with those who love and minister to us.
I have mentioned this on the blog a couple of times but I've been singin' it all day. Here it is...
Say (What You Need to Say)
by John Mayer.
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only, you could only
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then to never say what you need to say
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Grey's Quote of the Week.
a quote from the heathen show I love...
"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need."
-Dr. Meredith Grey.
"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need."
-Dr. Meredith Grey.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Communication=Community.
com·mu·ni·ca·tion:
1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
(thank you, Dictionary.com!)
Focusing on definition #2, communication is an 'interchange.' This is what's needed for community. I get this feeling that in the world and even in the Church that we are a society that thrives on learning information. When we find one piece, we move on to the next piece so quickly that we have become people who refuse to do anything about the info we receive. This is not the way to build a loving community. In my opinion, it only encourages ungodly traits like gossiping, backbiting and slander. We have become people who listen to news while watching the ticker while checking the headlines on the internet news site. So we have trained ourselves to receive information but not to be vulnerable, not to be transparent, and most tragically, to become apathetic when we hear anything. We do not care enough.
Interchange in the community of God leads to inner change (pun intended). instead of hearing something and moving on to the next juicy tidbit, I am being challenged to really consider that in prayer and in cases where people are gossiping, my desire is becoming vulnerable right there in the situation and share my struggles in order to not only change the subject, but also to serve as a reminder that none of us in the Body of Christ is where we want to be.
Praise God for this day, when we will be: "Think how much the Father loves us. He loves us so much that he lets us be called his children, as we truly are. But since the people of this world did not know who Christ is, they don't know who we are. My dear friends, we are already God's children, though what we will be hasn't yet been seen. But we do know that when Christ returns, we will be like him, because we will see him as he truly is." (I John 3:1-2)
until then, let's remember that communicating about our own struggles is always a better way to build community than alienating others because of their struggles .
(I got the idea from this post from a friend named Clayton King. He preached a sermon and addressed this idea. You should check him out. He is legit. www.claytonking.com)
1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
(thank you, Dictionary.com!)
Focusing on definition #2, communication is an 'interchange.' This is what's needed for community. I get this feeling that in the world and even in the Church that we are a society that thrives on learning information. When we find one piece, we move on to the next piece so quickly that we have become people who refuse to do anything about the info we receive. This is not the way to build a loving community. In my opinion, it only encourages ungodly traits like gossiping, backbiting and slander. We have become people who listen to news while watching the ticker while checking the headlines on the internet news site. So we have trained ourselves to receive information but not to be vulnerable, not to be transparent, and most tragically, to become apathetic when we hear anything. We do not care enough.
Interchange in the community of God leads to inner change (pun intended). instead of hearing something and moving on to the next juicy tidbit, I am being challenged to really consider that in prayer and in cases where people are gossiping, my desire is becoming vulnerable right there in the situation and share my struggles in order to not only change the subject, but also to serve as a reminder that none of us in the Body of Christ is where we want to be.
Praise God for this day, when we will be: "Think how much the Father loves us. He loves us so much that he lets us be called his children, as we truly are. But since the people of this world did not know who Christ is, they don't know who we are. My dear friends, we are already God's children, though what we will be hasn't yet been seen. But we do know that when Christ returns, we will be like him, because we will see him as he truly is." (I John 3:1-2)
until then, let's remember that communicating about our own struggles is always a better way to build community than alienating others because of their struggles .
(I got the idea from this post from a friend named Clayton King. He preached a sermon and addressed this idea. You should check him out. He is legit. www.claytonking.com)
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