Respect.

I slammed the door, my face hot with embarrassment and anger.  I hated that he had the last word.  More truthfully, I hated that he was right.  I hadn't started WWIII or anything, but I had been hateful in my speech.

I had talked down to him, spoken crossly, judged his tactic in a frustrating moment of parenting.  

Guilty.  

That's why I stood in the kitchen silent. That's why I walked away and slammed the door.   No defense to give. No words of blame to pelt at him.  There was nothing to say.

Except maybe "I'm sorry." 

But I swallowed the Heavenly urge.  And then I let that door find out who was boss.

 My precious husband had fallen victim to my pride this morning, which was too full of itself to give way to any kind of Godly sense at the moment.

"Things have been spoken/shouldn't be said/rattles around in our hearts +& our heads" 

sara groves, miracle

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The Apostle Paul understood the differences between men and women and what they need in a marriage relationship, and his unique advice to each party is found in Ephesians 5:33.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  

In the English language, respect is defined as "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability."  According to that definition and the Spirit of God inside of me based on His Word, I failed to actively respect my husband this morning.  I respect him so much, but much to my surprise he is not -- I repeat, is not-- a mind reader.  Instead of demonstrating my respect by my actions, I did the opposite. Which grieves my heart. 

I spoke to him with a tone that suggested he was not knowledgeable about the matter at hand and in so doing, I failed to build him up and honor his worth to our family as an intelligent, excellent, and more-than-competent family man.  I sounded like a total Know-It-All.  

NEWSFLASH: I don't know it all. 

WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE LIKE THAT? Heck, I didn't even want to be around me this morning.  My pride was like the Jackie Chan of our kitchen, leaving only destruction in its wake.

My tone also suggested that I didn't respect him as the gift that he is to me in Christ and a fellow image-bearer of God because I used a hateful tone that I would never adopt with a mere acquaintance or friend.  

I showed a critical and judgmental spirit which undermined him in a crucial parenting moment, assuring our daughter that I didn't respect his discipline and neither should she.

That last sentence induced a cringe from me.  It hurt me to write that because I am reminded about how much power lies within our words and the way we sound when we say them.  I love my husband so much, but like many wives, I struggle to show him that I love him in the way he receives it best: respect and honor. I want to honor this gift, not tear it apart with thoughtless words and careless actions.  My words can be the wind in his sails or they can be what cause a shipwreck.  My genuine cheers of affirmation (no couch-jumping, we all know how that ended, people) can help him conquer his fears or my angry diatribes can make him want to hide from them. 

This doesn't mean that I have to agree with every single decision he makes, but it does mean that it is a necessity, an honor, and a privilege to trust he is a good-willed man who has our family's best interests at the forefront of his mind (eggerichs, love and respect).  It is the greatest gift to me outside of my salvation to have the kind of husband whose life is evidenced by his good-will toward our little family. 

This idea can be translated to any type of relationship - assuming the most generous explanation about another person can change the face and shape of all of our dealings with good-willed people. 

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 I apologized today for our spat this morning in the kitchen.  

My husband is such a doll. We rarely fight because he has such a generous spirit toward me.  

I also committed in my heart to be more active in demonstrating my respect for Seth and the gift he is to our family. Here are a few suggestions the Lord revealed to me in case you want to join me in this journey.

 

Be quicker to encourage where we  have been quick to critique  

Be slower to speak and more efficient at listening

Find new ways to honor people in public and to affirm people's life, work, relationship with God

Here's a little song to share today...

because where would we be without the good-willed people in our lives?