Thursday, October 2, 2008

Eleven Months... short and so long all at once. The month anniversaries came and went without much notice as I kept myself busy...but today I looked down at my calendar and there it was.

That number 2 staring back at me.

Today, especially today, I remember the day she took her last breath. The day my life changed forever.

This day will forever be etched in my history. The human condition, no matter how accustomed to change, can never forget what it was like before.

Hearing her voice down the hall.
Seeing her eyes light up with the presence of her grandchildren.
Tasting the food she lovingly made for the army of China "just in case."
Smelling her perfume (Thank you Donna, for that very beautiful birthday treat--now I sleep with that precious fabric under my pillow sprayed with just a hint of Eternity by Calvin Klein, ironically the name of my mom's favorite scent.)
Feeling her cold feet on my warm legs when watching television on Friday nights. (I'd get so mad at her--"Quit it, Madre, you are making my legs cold!!" She'd just ignore me...)

You know, I used to complain about the many Friday nights I spent at home with my parents during my teen years.

Now I'd give anything to be able to make that hour drive tomorrow night and find her there again, ready to have a mother-daughter slumber party of epic proportions.

I can't forget those things. I don't want to. Ever.

I also can't forget His faithfulness. The way He carried me up to the stage five days after her death to deliver her final farewell. The way He gave me grace at the lowest points and helped me finish my last two semesters of college with some level of excellence as my world crumbled around me. The Friday nights as He gathered each of my tears into His bottle carefully preserving my pain.

Someday, that bottle will no longer be needed. When He makes all the wrongs right. When death, as the song says, waves its' white flag, and we find out what "more than a conqueror" means.

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Revelation 7:17

Until that day,

If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one and need prayer or support, feel free to email me through the link on the side of my page.


Christy said...

Beautiful Lauren. You do have a way with words as your pain makes others cope with their own sufferings.

Chaffin Family said...

Again thank you for sharing about your mom. You are in my prayers. Please add my friend Kathryn and her baby Seth again to your prayers.

Today the Dr.'s told them that Seth would not make it on his own and they have chosen to take the most merciful way they know and let him go to the Lord. He'll be healed but their pain will be great. There is a post on my blog.

God drew me to your blog to ask you to pray and what do I read but this post and here you are a willing servant offering to pray for others as you deal with your loss. Thank you Lauren. I know I found you because God wants me to grow and you are the kind of witness I need to show me christ in troubled times.

I am growing daily in my walk. Thank you for walking this path with me and all the others you have touched with your words and prayers. God bless you Lauren and may the Lord smile down on you. You are glorifying him.