Typical "That Girl"

Why am I ever, ever surprised?



It's not like it doesn't happen almost on a daily basis. I should be used to it by now.





the phrase "way to go, moron" lovingly runs through my head quite often as I wonder why I have:

a penchant,

a knack, maybe even

a gift

{if you will}



for saying and doing the most absurd of things at the most inappropriate times.





As those of you who often read this blog know, I don't mean to say and do awkward things that would strike fear in the hearts of most human beings.



It's an accidental thing, really. Call it bad timing.



Here's the lowdown:



Last night, we had a homecoming party for Miss Amy (my dear friend, former roommate, and missionary), who is back from Ghana. Andy (also my dear friend and Amy's fiancee) wanted us to have a surprise welcome home/birthday party for her. Seth and I went to Andy's and awaited Amy's arrival. He was such a good sport, hanging out with my BFFs and me. You might think, "sheesh, what's the big deal? I mean, if he can't cut it with her friends...."

If that was your thought, you have obviously never met my BFFs. When we get together, crazy things happen. Inside jokes fly, awkward moments abound, and our lack of personal space with one another freaks some people out. We have this amazing bond that comes with walking through the light and the darkness together and helping one another know Jesus better. But it can be scary for onlookers. Some folks probably feel like they are tuning into a reality TV show--the Christian version of Sex and the City. (By the way, the first person who can give me a legit and valid name for said reality show gets props in my post for tomorrow...)


So clearly he is a good sport since he was the only Y chromosome at the gathering for hours. Well, until I said the most awkward thing ever accidentally.


Seth had been ready to leave for a few minutes but was unsuccessfully trying to find a lull in the conversation to say his parting farewells. Then two of our guy BFFs walk in. So Seth is talking to our dear friend Jimmy, with my roommate Nicole looking on. I kept thinking Seth might be getting annoyed because he's ready to leave, but Jami was telling me something and he wasn't moving toward the door yet. So I was just chilling, waiting on him to say goodbye. At the time I didn't know what they happened to be discussing as I am seated next to Seth talking to Jami. We are in our own little world.

Picture this (I feel like Sophia from the Golden Girls right now.). This is a loosely quoted conversation that I found out later actually took place as opposed to the conversation that I thought was going on...

Jimmy: "I think I am going to be single the rest of my life. I am having no luck with the ladies and I'm broke, which is alright with me because I only have to take care of myself. The way it's going I'm never gonna get married anyway."
Seth: "I used to think that way too."

At this point in the conversation, my conversation with Jami allowed me to hear words from Seth but not what words. I assumed** that Seth was telling Jimmy that I had started talking again (we can never make it out of anyplace quickly because I know a million people and I love to talk) and he was ready to go. Why I did this I do not know. I told you, I'm crazy. I just assumed that he was laughing with Jimmy about this because Jimmy has been places with me and knows this as well.
So after my assumption, one of my definitive "That Girl" Moments came.

I turned around and said,

"Well, I'm just waiting on you. Whenever you are ready!"


dang it.

Oh, the look on everyone's faces. Nicole, Jimmy, and Seth had to practically re-wire their jaws. This is when I knew the gig was up--although I had no idea.

It was a short journey from not knowing why what I said put that look on my sweet boyfriend's face to being overwhelmingly embarrassed. I thought for three point five seconds about what just came out of my mouth and in what context that could be a bad thing. It didn't take long as I recalled what Jimmy had said to me a few minutes before that. He was talking to me about never getting married. I figured it out by deduction. All the while I was thinking, "Oh, that's great. Noooooow my brain starts connecting to the rest of me. Awesome."

dang it.

Think about the context of their conversation. Then read what I just said again. I swear on Porkchop's Grave that I had no idea.


after turning bright red and feeling a sudden hot flash, I began apologizing profusely.

"i...uh...uh...I thought you were waiting on me to leave...I just meant I was waiting on you to...uh...say goodbye..to everyone...I was just talking about waiting on you to...uummmm...leave the apartment...NOTHING ELSE....I didn't mean that ....I promise!!"

Trying to dig out unsuccessfully, as you can see. It's like watching a train wreck in slow mo.



By this time, my so-called BFFs are having a good laugh on their pal Laur and sweet Seth is shaking his head like he always does when That Girl strikes. Unfortunately, he is getting more used to it every day. After the funeral incident and numerous other interesting times in the life of Lauren (like that time I sang and danced in the middle of Mi Pueblo for Ashley's wedding rehearsal dinner or the multiple times I have accidentally said awkward things to other people in our congregation), I think he kind of almost expects it. But I always try to temper these moments with a reminder of just how boring his life would be if he didn't have to put up with TGM all the time.


Come to think of it, my life would be pretty boring without "That Girl..." Moments too.




** disclaimer...
That Girl's rule numero uno: NEVER, EVER, EVER ASSUME. Just don't do it. You will thank me later. I promise.