Friday, May 29, 2009

Sticking Around.

Seth and I went to the zoo on Memorial Day. It was a date of sorts to honor the fact that we will celebrate two years of dating on June 9th. Of course, our busy schedules do not allow us to go out that day (because I am That Girl and he is That Camp Pastor), so since I had been asking for him to take me, he obliged so kindly and was a really, REALLY good sport.


Two years. Two of the most interesting and challenging and best years of my life so far.

Two years I wouldn't trade for all the gold and bulldog puppies and cheesecake in the world.




Many of you have followed my journey of losing my mom and figuring out God's love and the character of Christ through that season. I have to tell you that despite the ups and downs of any normal relationship and added stress of our unique situations, Seth has been Jesus to me in a crucial way.

He stuck around.


We started dating in June, and things got really bad in early October, including her first extended hospital stay. Keep in mind that my temper was short, my list of grievances was long, and my hair was generally without any volume. I didn't wear makeup, I had big red, swollen puffy eyes and I did the ugly cry a whole lot.

He stuck around.

After she died, I freaked out a little. I was insecure and hurting, and my lack of confidence was a real strain on our relationship. Even after a million times of asking him why he loved me and suggesting maybe he should just get a girlfriend who had more volume in her hair and less issues in her life,

He stuck around.

I wanted desperately to know that there was still a safe place for me to land. I couldn't be Happygirl all the time anymore. Just didn't have it in me. Sometimes I needed that same affirmation that my mama gave me...she pretty much had to love me unconditionally :D
I had a home where I could feel safe to rant and rave and eat an extra piece of chocolate cake and wear my grungy old sweatpants. When she was gone, I felt like that was gone too, both in my relationship with God and with other people.

Because he stuck around, I saw Jesus sticking around too. You see, Seth was Christ's hands and feet to me as I stumbled through whatever that less-than-enjoyable period in my life was. I felt like I still had a safe place to land--both with Jesus, who never left me, and with this man who chose to stick around even during that unpleasant season of grief when everything I am was just a little off-kilter.

I could get mad and cry and be a little stinker or wear my grungy sweatpants to visit him because I felt sure of the fact that none of those things would scare him away. That's how he reminds me of Jesus.

Someday, when Christ renews the face of the Earth, then I really will be Home. Until then, he has given me a treasure and a foretaste of the feast come in being accepted by someone just as I am.

We've had our moments, but I love that guy because he sticks around (and I am still not exactly sure why sometimes!).

I have been blessed to travel the world and see the sights and smell the smells and touch pieces of foreign soil. I love that about my life. Partly because it makes me more grateful for the fact that Jesus loves me
and
he has blessed me with someone else who thinks my many and varied quirks are charming to him too. Boy am I glad he sticks around!

12 comments:

Jessie, Dusty, and Koen said...

What an awesome guy you've got! It was great seeing you the other day. You always brighten my day;)

miss indiana said...

Made me cry! I'm so happy for you, dear!

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

This whole post made me cry. And likely its' because I didn't know you then (and I know you SO much now, HA!) and I hadn't realized how recent it was you'd lost your mom.. You share such "wise beyond your years" stuff and seem so grounded with God, and *I* am hurting so I have a hard time feeling that myself.. you give me hope.. (Well, GOD gives me hope but I see examples of that hope played out in you!)...

But this:
but I love that guy because he sticks around (and I am still not exactly sure why sometimes!).

Reminds me of this:
We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Thanks, Lauren. Love you!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you and Seth! Sometimes it is hard to believe there are guys out there like that when you've been with some that aren't... thanks for giving us all some hope.

Janice Phillips said...

I'm a fellow "Sunday" and came on over from Angie's blog. Your post couldn't be more perfect for me to have read tonight (tears!). Amazing how God works and pours out his grace to us through other people! I promise I'm not a freaky blog stalker! :-p Thanks for writing (SO MUCH!!).

crittyjoy said...

this is a beautiful post...I just finished reading a book called Never The Bride that dealt a lot with what you were saying...

I am so glad you have Seth in your life. Our God is good :)

I came over from Angie's blog and have very much enjoyed looking around your blog. I am adding you to my reader....I think you are a great encourager.

Tonya said...

Popping over from Bring The Rain. Just wanted to send my sympathies to you about your mom. My mom died two years ago from cancer. My dad died when I was 13, but when my mom died, I felt very alone. Our relationship was okay (could have been better, but wasn't terrible), but I knew she loved me unconditionally because that's how I love my own children. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman!!!

I loved reading about Seth "sticking around"! I hope he sticks around for your lifetime! He sounds like a wonderful guy!

Blessings,
Tonya

Amy said...

Greetings Friend!

I just read the awesome story about the All that I can say CD on Angie's Bring the Rain Blog! What a wonderful story!

When people ask me how I know God is real and not just a story, I always tell them, "It's in the LITTLE things!" You know, the little ways that He whispers in my ear that He is beside me on every step of my journey with Him.

It's in the way I stop and pray for protection for my husband in the middle of folding a load of laundry only to find out 45 minutes later that he hit a groundhog on his evening motorcycle ride, and he just can't figure out how he didn't crash.

You know. . .those kind of little things that are too numerous to mention!

I know the He cares and is always with me! Sounds like you understand too!

I'm going to stick around your blog for a little while. . .I'm really enjoying your writings!

Be Blessed!

Amy

CIRCLE OF LIFE said...

Lauren I'AM A SUNDAY AND IT BROUGHT ME TO TEARS TO HEAR THE WORDS YOU TYPED ON ANGIES BLOG . IT WAS SO MOVING AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YOU ARE A GIFT FROM THE LORD YOUR WORDS WERE SO MOVING AND I'M HONORED TO BE A READER OF YOUR BLOG NOW AS WELL . ANGIES DESCRIBED HOW YOU MOVED HER TO TEARS AND WELL THAT WAS ME AS WELL BLESS YOU FOR GETTING TEH COURAGE TO WALK IN TO THE STORE .. SHE THAT WAS LIKE A GIFT LEFT FROM THE ABOVE A SPECAIL REMEMBERENCE That YOU FOUND THAT CD ... IT'S LIKE GOLD ... THAT CD MINISTER'S TO ME DAILY . I HAVE IT ON MY BLOG AND IT MOVES ME TO TEARS ALMOST EVERY TIME I HEAR IT . I HAVE YET TO FIND ANY COPY AT ALL OF THAT SONG BESIDES MY BLOG AND i HAVE TO SAY IT IS SO MOVING I LOVE IT . MAY THAT SONG BRING YOU PEACE OF MIND JOY AND LOVE IN YOUR WORSHIP, MAY YOU FEEL THE LOVE OF YOUR MOTHER AND THE GREAT FATHER ABOVE AS THEY WINK *** AND PRAISE YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFULL WORKS AND I KNOW THE LORD IS SMILING ABOVE YOU IN LOVE AND ADMIRATION OF THE LOVELY WOMEN THAT YOU HAVE BECOME . IT WAS ONE WORD THAT TOUCHED ME IN YOUR STORY AND IT WAS LOVE . THE LOVE OF THE LORD THAT MADE IT A TEAR JERKER FOR ME AND THE HEART FELT POST THAT YOU IN YOUR WORDS MADE IT A MEMORY POST . god bless you continue to Minster to others I believe it is your Godly gift to others . blessings new reader Michelle

Susan said...

Beautiful blog. You reminded me that I have a wonderful man of 14 years in two weeks that did just the same for me back when I was a lost little girl who had just went through the hardest time of her life. I too asked him countless times why he kept sticking around:) God was there with Him waiting patiently for me. For anonymous, look to and wait on God, he has your soulmate out there.

Bethany said...

I'm a "Sunday" and a "wolverine" who happened upon your blog this am from Angies.

I totally get what you're saying about losing your mom. Maybe I should blog.... I lost mine in August, and I'm not dealing with it yet, at all. I stay extremely busy as the SAHM to 3 kiddos, and use that as my excuse. But sometimes moments of sheer terror overcome me as I realize that she's gone. Then I take charge and allow peace to return realizing that she's not gone, she's waiting.

kate g said...

Hi there. I did find you from Angie's blog and I got her and kinda just scrolled around a bit. But your music collection and your comment up there about how you wouldn't change the 2 years for all the gold and bulldog puppies and cheesecake in the world- I think we should be friends :)
I read the story of how that song led you to write to Angie- I am grateful you shared your story with her and she shared that story with the world.
*Prayers and Love*
-kate