Tuesday, September 1, 2009

That Girl Moment #991: Revealing Vicki's Little Secret

Listen kids. Since my last laundry mishap, I have tried to guard my wardrobe closely to avoid more of such misadventures. However, my efforts were proved futile yesterday.

I love getting mail. It brings me great joy to receive something through Snail Mail that is not a bill. In fact, my sweet friend Meghan did a precious thing for my birthday: she sent a birthday gift to me through the mail. It pretty much made my month. I LOVE seeing my name on a package and the thrill of oppening it. I like prying the packing tape off of a parcel and opening it to see what lies inside. It's one of the last great surprises in life.

Which, I found out yesterday can be a blessing and a curse-a double-edged sword, if you will.

I traveled across the street from my office to my apartment to get my lunch money yesterday. We have a fantastic new food service here and paying four dollars to eat a well-balanced (or NOT so well-balanced in some cases) lunch seems like a steal when I pay two dollars apiece for the processed meat wrapped in bread dough and preserved for nuclear attack otherwise known as a Hot Pocket.

No offense, Hot Pocket people. My freezer is still full of them. It's hard to cook for one!

Anyway, upon my arrival at my apartment, I found a parcel peeking out of my ancient and dusty mailbox.

I did that happy dance that made my neighbors and passers-by extremely uncomfortable. I began to sing The Song:
Here's the mail
it never fails
it makes me want to wag my tail
when it comes I want to wail -
Thank you, Blue. You are the second best dog in my life.

I may or may not have sung that song in my head as I happily walked back to the cafeteria line. I went ahead and skipped some of the students in line to stand with Candace, who is my coworker and dear friend, and Mary, who is the Administrative Assistant to the Vice President. A couple who serve as Resident Directors were standing directly behind me.

I know, I shouldn't have skipped line. But don't worry. I paid dearly for it.

I worked as fast as I could at prying off the parcel's brown packing tape as I explained that the parcel was from my sister-in-law, Shannon.
"I think it's pictures of the girls! I love presents! This is the best day of my life!!" (ok, slightly dramatic, perhaps. Welcome to That Girl's World) I told those in line with me. My nieces, K, H, and E, had their picture made in July and Shannon had promised when she got copies she would mail them to me from the West Coast. I got so excited thinking about how cute their pictures would be framed in my apartment and how excited I was to show them to everyone.

I had forgotten something.

Last week, my sweet sister-in-law Shannon had called me to see if I was interested in a new VS bra. Apparently it did not fit her right and she was so kind to pass it along to me and would I be interested in such a thing.

OH BOY! WOULD I?! Heck, I'm interested anytime there is something free involved. There may be No Such Thing As a Free Lunch (I tole ya homegirl--four bucks), but there is Such a Thing as a Free Bra When Your Sister Plays Pass it On.

As my IRL friends know, my short-term memory has been horrible for about the last year and a half. So inconveniently for me, I forgot that conversation EVER happened.

You are now permitted to begin cringing.

As I stood in the cafeteria line, surrounded by my coworkers and lots of young and impressionable students, I exclaimed, "This is the best day EVER! I Love sur---" and pulled the contents of the parcel out for the whole OCU Community to see.

I am pretty sure the force I used to pull out my Unmentionable Surprise caused one of the straps to hit someone in the face at one point.

That lace is stretchy. I'm surprised it didn't fly across the room and get caught on the water fountain.

Candace wore a sly grin, pleased to witness another full-throttle That Girl Moment in process. Mary was in shock-and-awe mode, and my Resident Directors (my employees), especially the fella, turned bright red.

Definitely won't be framing that surprise.


Carol said...

Oh Lauren... I had to read this aloud to the family. We all had a great laugh pretty much at your expense. Thanks for that. Your enthusiasm for life shines through in your writing. And your "this is the best day of my life" sounds so much like Isaac. No wonder we love you both!!

Christy said...


llandtmom said...

I didn't mean to laugh out loud when I read this. I just couldn't help it. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. I love to laugh and you do that for me so often.

Kristin said...

Oh my goodness....what a picture you painted for us. I am laughing out loud at work and now people are starting to wonder what ifs wrong with me! :)

You are a GEM! Your posts fill me with joy - sorry it has to be at your expense though!

Have a WONDERFUL day!


Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

I hopped over here this am hoping to find some motivation.. I'm struggling with some depression, etc these days..

I DID find a good chuckle!!

Amber Schmidt said...

I am laughing so hard I have tears... only YOU could tell the story quite like that!

Thanks for making me smile today!

Jenn said...

That's hilarious! That sounds like something I would do right now with the pregnancy brain thing I have going on. Just wait...it only gets worse with age!

Shannon Walton Biggs said...

I did receive the pics a couple of days ago Laur. I'll try to get them in the mail A.S.A.P. I'll label the envelope this time! :-)

Candace said...

This was one of the best moments we have had together! I was laughing now just as much as I was the day it happened!

Rachel H. Evans said...

I love your blog because it makes me laugh out loud! What a great story!

"Thank you, Blue. You are the second best dog in my life." - So funny.