Monday, January 19, 2009

(I Have) Confidence.

One of my favorite films of all time happens to have Julie Andrews prancing and twirling on the side of a mountain. Who can't love that?

Can I get some love for "The Sound of Music"?

I also love this film more than just for its incorporation of prancing, though.

If you'll remember, she decided to leave the convent and become a governess for children she has never met. That decision ends up changing her life (and the family's life) for the better. On her way to meet the Von Trapp family, she sings the song called "(I Have) Confidence."

It's a song about convincing herself that she has what it takes.


Yesterday evening, I had what I sometimes refer to as an "ugly duckling moment." I'm sure some of you can relate to this phenomenon. It involves:
*feelings of inadequacy
*looking in the mirror and shaking your head
*imagining what lipo would really be like
*thinking about those 10 (or 50)extra pounds and how to get them off quickly
*comparisons to other "more beautiful" women
*a pint of Ben and Jerry's (if you're lucky)
*lack of confidence
*loved ones and friends having to pick up the pieces of some scattered self-esteem

I am being vulnerable here for the sake of knowing that someone out there has had this same experience and wonders if it will ever change.

I have had more than my share of these moments lately as I prepare to give a message called "God Designed You" to some young women on Valentine's Day. The timing says it's our enemy who would not like for me to have confidence in who I am so I can't really speak with the boldness and experience of a women who knows who she is in Christ.


Because it's dangerous you know. Women who know where true courage and confidence is found. The kind of confidence that knows
*with the Holy Spirit resurrection power, she can do anything
*she is lookin' good, because she is fearfully and wonderfully made and even bad hair days can't take away that from her
*knows that she could stand to lose a few pounds but is learning to take comfort from Jesus and not food (retraining my brain-Romans 12)
*she is unique, so comparisons are like apples and oranges, so to speak
*that confidence comes from knowing a true identity in Christ

Why is it dangerous?

Because a girl like that could change the world, you know.

So what does this mean? I think it's high time we as women (and men for that matter) start memorizing Psalm 139 and telling the enemy where he can go with the fact that we are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made.

It was really a sight in my apartment last night, me quoting scripture last night and telling the enemy to get himself lost in a cauldron of hot sauce, so to speak...

Unfortunately, this was not after pushing my insecurities off onto the lap of my beloved, asking him questions he often refuses to answer, like why he loves me. He can see it coming a mile away. I tried to explain why I needed to hear that, but when I found myself justifying it, I saw how much it hurt his feelings and how much for me, it was less about Seth and more about my relationship with Jesus. More about how I don't believe HIM when HE SAYS I'm beautiful and capable and worthy of love.

I want to believe that. I have wanted to believe that for a very long time...but just like another famous movie character said, "There is no try."

So it's time to give up wanting to believe those things and start actually believing them.

Just like Maria....

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

The only difference between Mrs. Von Trapp and me is that I don't have confidence in me. But I do have confidence in the Jesus in me.

What are some of your insecurities and what is God doing to dispel them?


Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Lately, one of my biggest insecurities is I"m going to never be not-sad again.. That my heart will always have a big gaping hole in it.. I KNOW God can make my heart whole again and i"m just realizing (and am embarassed it took so long) that when I fear I'm "never going to feel better" I'm letting the enemy win.

I keep thinking all of it SHOULD be EASIER...

Lauren said...


I had that same fear a couple of months ago. I kept looking at my boyfriend (through the ugly-cry) and saying, "Is it ever going to get easier?"

Be encouraged, Kathryn. I grieve with you over the loss of baby Seth. I live for the "someday" when all the wrongs, hurts, and pain of this world will be made right again.

You are loved deeply and completely by our Savior and by those who love him. We share in your sorrow and stand with you against your fear.


Susie said...

Love the post Lauren! You're prescious! And The Sound of Music...well there is no other movie that can even compare...its my all time FAV!