Monday, December 15, 2008

Don't Even Act Like You're Surprised: "That Girl..." Moment #632

A week ago Saturday I was invited to speak at Joines Chapel GB Church in Madisonville, KY. The pastor there is also the chairman of the Board of Trustees at OCU. I met his wife and November and we hit it off immediately. She invited me to speak at their Christmas banquet, and once I got there it was great.

But as you know, I can't go but a few days without having a "moment" of some sort. It's really unfortunate. I don't look for these things...they look for me.

The original plan was for me to meet the pastor and wife in KY, where I would hop in their car and we would all go together (it's uber far away) and roll out to the church.

It's always a succession of screw ups on my watch, as you already know.

The first turn off the road to normal, so to speak, was when I decided to drive separately in order to make it back in time for my dear friend Amy's Bachelorette party (which coincidentally is a "That Girl..." moment all its own).

The second came when I didn't realize that the couple did not live in Henderson, as I had prepared for, but rather in Madisonville, which was about twenty or thiry minutes farther. So when I called to tell them that, obviously that was not the plan and I hate upsetting and disappointing people.

The third was arriving at the destination of their beautiful home and asking where the pastor was. His wife informed me that she sent him ahead with the goods (again, my fault because I was late) and that she would be riding with me.

riding with me....

Now my friend Thomas will not only tell you that my car is a mess but also will introduce you to the troll and gnome families that take up residence in my backseat. He met the mayor of the troll town last week while looking for my precious Blackberry in my car.

In other words, my car is, er, um, a little messy.

Okay, truth is it looks like a third-world country blew up in my car. What can I say? I am always on the road and lead a very busy life. My boss at one time was worried that I lived in my car, but that worked out okay because I got a free apartment out of the deal. (No, I didn't really live in it. I promise.)

So this sweet gentile Southern woman is obviously appalled to be riding in such squalor, and I am awkwardly trying to better the conditions when she notices something wet on the seat. Imagine my humiliation when this sweet lady says, "Umm, what is that?"

Well, in my defense it had been raining.

So I quickly grabbed a Puffs Plus tissue out of my now-almost buried purse in the backseat (I think I remember some heaving and hoeing to get it out from under the piles of jazz in the back of Darla the Daewoo--she ain't so beautiful to me, if you know what I mean--if you don't go watch Little Rascals silly!)

I wiped down the seat, and she climbed in. I was praying that a giant crater would mercifully swallow me into the ground as I looked at my speedometer and noticed the incredible storage unit I had created in that area--CDs, paper, pens, etc. I cringed a lot.

We were on our way. Well, sort of. The fourth issue was when the sweet lady wanted to take me one way, and they shut down the middle of the town for a gigantic Christmas parade, so we had to go through the hills and hollers. I almost hit about three deer so that was amazing.

I don't think I've had had such a Epic fail "That Girl..." moment in a year. Well, I take that back. Come to find out I haven't had one in at least three months. Sadly enough, while it was happening, all I could think of was how I couldn't wait to blog about it and how much you guys would (hopefully) laugh.


Well, I have to go now...The villagers in my car are calling for me. I am up for Mayor!


BeckyB. said...

I love the fact that you lay yourself bare for the joy and humor of your faithful blog readers.

You are One Special Girl for sure :)

And I get the car thing ;)

Carol said... are you still friends after the car ride? You could write a little song...
"This world is not my home, I'm just passin' through, my treasures are laid up inside of my Daewoo..." :)

BeckyB. said...


oh, carol....

Christy said...

All I could think of was little umpa umpa land in your backseat and that got me cracking up so much Ed thought I had lost it.

You did not disappoint as usual...

Ben said...

Lauren, you just arn't quite like anyone else, and tats what makes you unique. (wow redundant comment) but you know what I mean

Susie said...

So did you make it your speaking engagement and back to the bachelorette party and I want to hear that "that girl" moment! ha ha. You are too funny! And yeah my mini-van has been known to have unidentifiable goo on the seats!