Community Guest Blog: Jami (BFF).

So, after a rough day on both of our accounts, Lauren (She overslept...) and I decided there was really no other way to end our no-good-very-bad-day (this is in honor of Alexander) than a trip to Starbucks.

Part of the greatness of this trip was, in part, due to one aspect of MY bad day. I lodged my key in my door lock somehow, so we had to stop at Wal-Mart to buy a toothbrush (brushta!). I picked out a dandy little pink travel jobbie, and was ready to go, but Lauren needed some groceries- OJ to be specific. She was carrying on and shouting, really, about the juice- causing the passers-by to give both of us looks. I think the attention really got to Laur and she began to get even louder. And so began our laughing fest (this includes wheeze laughing, shake laughing, guffawing, and peeing one's pants). Anyhow, I decided to get juice, too. I noticed where Laur's juice was about $1 cheaper than the one I picked out, so I began perusing the options. As I rounded the corner, I saw Lauren bent over one of those refrigerated bins, trying to keep all 20 items in her arms. She was once again laughing in the middle of Wal-Mart as fellow shoppers gawked. Anyhow, by this time I had decided against buying the juice altogether (I remembered my Hawaiian Punch back at the ranch).

This would be a good time to mention the buzz cut mullet we saw walking to the check out. It is a rare species, and we feel lucky to have experienced it.

At the checkout, Lauren places all the items (OJ in tow) on the conveyor belt. Thank you, Henry Ford. Anyway, the 16 year old kid with stretch-em-out earrings started checking out the groceries when I see Lauren frantically rummaging through her bag. And I know exactly what has happened: she cannot find her wallet. Mid scan, she asks the stretch-em-out earrings cashier if he can just hold that for a moment. She really has to go find her wallet. He is overwhelmed by the whole thing, but manages a grunt. After checking out my travel toothbrush (brushta!) I leave the store to help her find the wallet. I made a futile effort to find her and then returned to the store, only to run into her at the door. She got really excited because, apparently, there was a pot-bellied man wearing only shorts and a t-shirt , but I did not see him.

To top all of this off, as we were leaving the sketchy parking lot, Lauren (once again I did not witness this) saw a drug deal take place. The guy (I did see him, just not the transaction) had some long flowing locks and a black trenchcoat and hat. It took place behind a white molester van. We thought about going back for plate numbers, but decided it was too sketchy. Plus I had done my civil duty for the day by putting one of those blasted carts back in the cart return. So I was done there.

I won't go into detail about Ian (Eon) the Starbucks guy. But he was a treat, too.

So, lessons learned at Wal-Mart:

• citizen's arrest is always an option (that means YOU can arrest someone)
• rare species of mullets have late night rendezvous at Wal-Mart
• stretch-em-out earring kids are understanding. They lose things, too.
• Never leave your best friend hanging with frozen food giving her frostbite while you pick out cheap OJ
• East side Wal-Mart: sketchiness underrated/understated