Tuesday, November 24, 2009

That Girl Moment #1001: They See Me Rollin'....

I think I have adequately mentioned the fact that I might not exactly be the best driver in the world. Here's how you know it's bad: you get comforted by the sound of Dennis Haysbert telling you that you're in good hands.

Saturday night, I was rolling- late as usual-and as I rolled into Bicknell, I must've rolled through a stop sign.

That sentence had more rolls than a SharPei dog.

...rolling along....

I didn't even realize I had done anything wrong at all. Didn't notice, that is, UNTIL I saw those lovable red and blue lights flashing behind me.
YES! I had been looking to be introduced to the local police force.

The officer walked up to my window. "Ma'am, I am an officer with the Bicknell Police Department. May I see your license please?" He was very very polite to me.

I began to fish out my wallet and in one of my most grandiose That Girl moments-within-a-moment, I handed him a card only to realize as he took it from me, that I had not fished out my Driver's License but rather my debit card....
....clearly a Freudian slip as I was wondering how much this little introduction to the BPD was going to cost me. The officer chuckled and said, "That won't do me much good, will it?"
I wanted so badly to tell him that it really, really wouldn't do him any good if I had to pay for a ticket.
I held my tongue. Aren't you so glad?
He then asked me The Question Dreaded by Boyfriends and Husbands All Around The World. "Ma'am, do you know why I stopped you and what you did wrong?"

What I wanted to say: "Sir, with all due respect it's a crapshoot. I probably had multiple driving errors trying to get to my fiance's house while simultaneously running late, applying mascara (which may or may not end up running down my face here shortly), and turning the radio dial to Delilah."

For the record, I didn't put on mascara or listen to Delilah on the night in question.

What I actually said: "Sir, I am late for the parade and I was trying to get to the home of my fiance so I am assuming I was speeding?!"
I said, more in question form so as not to confess if I hadn't been actually CAUGHT speeding. Truth be told, I am unsure as to what the speed limit is on that street...Cringe.

"Actually, ma'am," he informed, "You're late for the parade. It's in Vincennes and it's already 6:30, you know."

{Right or wrong, hence the speeding.}

"Who's your fiance?" he asked.
"Well sir, his name is Seth Alexander." I left out the part where he was the pastor of the church down the street. Last time I got a ticket, I told the officer I was en route to Bible study. I got a ticket and a disapproving glare. I promise it was the truth! He said he didn't know him and I was a little relieved,

You didn't make a complete stop at that stop sign back there."

Hmmm. True.

He looked at my license again and said, "Do you have any unpaid tickets?"


"You ever been arrested?"

Nope. I'd never survive in prison. I'm That Girl.

"Okay, ma'am. I am going to let you go with a warning this time. Make sure you stop fully at each stop sign, okay?"

I agreed and off I went. Slowly, counting to five mississippi at ech stop sign thereafter.


At 11:30 that night, I got on the road to head back home. There was a car in front of me going a little fast so although I was startled to see the blue and red lights in my rearview (again), I figured he was after that speed demon scoundrel in front of me.

Oh but alas! He did not pass me in a fit of hurry. He pulled in behind me to my shock and horror. I remember praying, "Dear God, if there is any mercy left for me, please go ahead and give me the ticket but please don't let it be the same cop. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE with sugar and puppies on top and sprinkles!!"

It's a miracle God still loves me.

The officer slowly walked up to my car and I sighed heavily with relief when I realized it was not the same officer even though I probably deserved that. The officer, very polite like the other one and very professional, first told me he was from the BPD.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I should've learned the first time but I gave it the good ole college try once again: "I was speeding?!"

People, it was like a movie that just wouldn't end. I felt so ashamed but I also had to bite the side of my cheek to keep from bursting out with "I met your friend in a similar series of unfortunate events."

"No ma'am, you didn't stop completely at the stop sign back there."

Ironically it was the very same intersection. Dang it.

The officer gave me my second warning of the night and I felt worse than I would've had I actually received a ticket.

Who gets pulled over twice in one night, people? An awesome defensive driver, that's who.

I have learned my lesson. I am reformed STOP-er. No more rolls for me! Well, at least rolls through a stop sign. Now pumpkin rolls, that's another story.


Chelsa said...

OH LAUREN!!! I literally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! I had to read this out loud to Ryan b/c he wondered what on earth i was laughing so hard about :)

Josh and Kristi said...

Thanks for the laugh, even if its not supposed to be funny!

takemetomaui said...

Baaahaaahaaa! You are too funny :) I could have been pulled over WAY more many times than I actually have been in my life. I also got pulled over twice in the same night. I was in college and the first time was for.....running a stop sign. Got a ticket for that. Later on, I got pulled over for not dimming my headlights. I got a little snippy about it, saying "I didn't know you could get pulled over for THAT." He walked my little self back to his squad car and had me sit there while he pulled out his little traffic violation booklet and showed me that you in fact can be. I feel your pain! Thanks for the laugh :)

Lauren said...

THAT IS CRAZY!!!!!! I can't believe you got pulled over for the EXACT SAME THING in THE SAME night!!! hahahaha -- I am dying over here!! You have to be the luckiest person on earth to have gotten away with two warnings!!! This story is going down in the history books!! :P

All My Monkeys said...

I have that same problem with stop signs. Only I haven't ever gotten off with a warning. Fortunately, I haven't gotten pulled over in a few yrs. hmmm.. maybe I shouldn't speak that. Might be bad karma. Um.. I got pulled over "recently". Or not. Or, oh, nevermind. :D

Misty said...

That's hilarious!!! And, yes...pumpkin rolls are definitely another story : )