Monday, October 5, 2009

Life and Death.

I messed up.

I have apologized. I have cried. I've felt guilty. I've called myself stupid and begged God for His grace. He forgave, but I can't forget.
Neither can my precious friend that I hurt in the process.

I don't know what came over me. A know-it-all attitude for sure. A prideful heart. And out of the overflow of that heart, my mouth spoke with a total lack of love. You know those little heliocopter leaves we are accustomed to seeing in early fall? The ones that show up everywhere, including the door frame of my apartment.

Trying to take my words back is like trying to collect all of those heliocopters. I just can't do it. How I wish I could, and it pains me to think that the wounds my words (although unintentionally made) may forever leave scars on her heart.

I cannot pretend He didn't warn me about it:

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. proverbs 18:21

I am thankful for grace but hate having that feeling that I have disappointed Him, especially when God has given me immeasurably, abundantly more than I deserve. How did I let such discouragement come out of my mouth?

Today I am learning from my mistake. I will speak life, not death. I will use the power of the tongue to speak of the goodness of God and to encourage His people. I can't collect those little heliocopters, but I can keep from ever releasing them again.

If you have regrets like I do, please remember that we serve the God who said He can show off in the middle of our failings. How desperately I want Him to do that!

And to pick the arrows out of my friend's heart so that we might share a stronger bond than ever before.

May this post be proof positive that you'll never waste a prayer on me.

Have you ever wished you could take back your words?


Christy said...

Sweets... you KNOW I have wished that. If you remember my one not so bright and shining moment earlier this year that brought hurt to some people I care about and quite honestly made a fool out of myself and didn't portray Jesus in a good light through me. BUT remember what YOU said to me?!?! You said "C, God knows your heart and he looks at you and says I know she'll try better next time" then you said as long as I have asked forgiveness from that person and our Heavenly Father then all is forgiven and I must work towards forgiving myself. I prayed for you when I got the text the other day and I pray for you now that you will begin to heal as well as your friend and that you will be strong Christian friends together. Love you Laur!

Guatmama said...

Oh, honey, haven't we all wished we could take back words that leave our mouth in haste. And doesn't it seem that we hurt those that we love the most. And it is wonderful that we serve a God that forgives us for this, and teaches us to have a forgiving heart towards others that do this to us...

Allison said...

The Good News is we are deeply loved sinners! I am praying that your friends heart would heal and that you would receive the forgiveness from Him.

To answer you question, all the time!

Chantelle said...

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have something that I WANT to say to someone, but am using so much self control because I don't want to be hurtful. I don't know what goes through our heads sometimes, that we think we have the authority to "correct" people. Thats not our place. I have been praying for a couple days now about this heaviness...that I want to say to this person. I am hoping that God will reveal to me that this isn't something that is for me to fix, and He is in control when I give it all to Him.

Thanks for the reminder that I am doing the right thing, that I cannot "fix" anyone. I will guard my tongue :)

Beautiful ring by the way! Congrats.

Kristin said...

I trust that God will use this situation to bring Him glory. My prayer for a restored trust with you and your friend. You will grow from this and although it is a hard will use this for good too. Trust in the God that restores!

Leah Robinson said...

Many times I have wished that Lauren. Just goes to show us that none of us are perfect, except Jesus :)

Kristi said...

I was there last night, angry and sobbing, and wanting to say those things. By what could only be God's touch the tears just stopped and a calm settled in.

I am grateful that i resisted the urge, and prayerful that God will heal my heart. I pray your friendship can be restored stronger than ever.

Robin in New Jersey said...

Yup...too many times :( But I am learning that it is OK to speak the truth in love.

Blessings to you.