See? I AM a List-Maker!

Listen up, CUPID.
I have been speaking up for you when people talk about Single Awareness Day and when people rag on you because they don't "feel the love" on V-Day. In fact, Valentine's Day, I'll remind you, happens to be my favorite holiday. People are nice and sweet and treat their loved ones like they should treat them the other 364 days of the year. I know you're busy, Cupi, but let's just cut to the chase here. Pull up your huggies, we have work to do.

Here you go:


1. a one lb bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans with only my favorite flavors. (Please, as if you didn't know: toasted marshmallow, caramel apple, cappuccino, buttered popcorn, sizzling cinnamon, and caramel corn.) and please no black licorice. It tastes like the street sludge in Gatlinburg--don't ask me how I know.

2. Euphoria by Calvin Klein. I'm pretty sure it smells like the clouds upon which you sit and play your harp.

3. Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman Bible Study by Beth Moore. You may get to wear a diaper and shoot people in the hind end parts, but some of us don't have that luxury.

4. Chocolate Bar A La Mode from Peafections. Eat your heart out, Augustus Gloop.

5. Dental Insurance.


Thanks Cupid.

You are the best, filling my life with red, white, and pink and filling my heart with chocolate wishes and romance-coated dreams.