I have the gift, as you all know. The spiritual gift of awkward.
Sometimes you don't get what you expect. Sometimes you speak too soon. Sometimes you do both. Thus the story...
My BFF Ashley (I have two..so blessed. It's twice as nice!) used to have two cell phones. She explained the logistics of it to me once. I think it had something to do with contracts and unlimited texting and sharing two family plans, one with her husband and one with her folks and grandparents. By the end of the explanation, my head was swirling and I was super-confused. I work from the KISS method: Keep it simple, (because I'm) stupid.
She told me which number to text her on and which one to call her with, but since I didn't write it down, that rule of use it or lose it caused me to forget. So since she got married, I have just randomly texted one and called the other and vice versa. Eventually she'd respond either way, so I just kind of traded off.
(I know what you're thinking: Why didn't you just ask her again? If I had done that, you wouldn't be reading this very entertaining story, now would you? Plus, I like to make everything harder than it has to be...)
So the past few weeks we have been talking, and sometimes she wouldn't respond to my texts, which was very uncharacteristic of her. I didn't think much of it, because we would have phone conversations and would pick up right where we left off as if she had received them. They were pretty generic.
I spoke with her the day after I arrived in WA and talked with her about some important things I had to tell her.
A turn of events led me to the fact that I had jumped to conclusions when I talked to her the first time. I felt like a jerk, and it's fair warning that I am totally honest with my BFFs. So I texted her a few minutes ago to the number I had said under her married name.
Umm. Here's where it goes all "That Girl..."
*disclaimer*
I always send my friend text messages saying EXACTLY what's going on. FYI, this can be good or bad. Keep in mind she would have understood from our previous conversation what I had been talking about.
I texted her the following message:
"I am such a wench. And a psycho."
When I heard the ringtone I had set for her "married name" number (as opposed to her "maiden name" number), Something Beautiful by the Newsboys, which she and her husband walked out to at their wedding, I smiled great big, knowing that I could count on her to be a most faithful BFF and call me in my time of need. I picked up the phone.
AND SAID,
"I AM SUCH A WRETCH."
You know, I am blessed with two women in my life that I can answer the phone and start talking--you know, avoiding the pleasantries and getting straight to the point. This is typically a wonderful sign of a solid friendship.
Unless
a gruff voice retorts back demandingly,
"WHO IS THIS?"
I think in my "That Girl..." stupor, I said, "Ashley?"
I snapped out of it immediately after and said quickly, "I must have the wrong number."
"uhh, yeah." gruff voice spoke roughly. "I keep getting texts from this number."
Earth, open up that you may swallow me. I'm begging you. Pleeeeeassee.
I thought about launching into the two-cell-phone diatribe, but a Reason I cannot explain and obviously lack took over and I went for a simpler approach...
"I'm so sorry. This apparently used to be my best friend's number, and she must've gotten rid of it. I apologize. I will be taking you out of my phone now. Goodbye!"
I hit the End button so fiercely that my Blackberry now HATES me and laid it on the counter. I put my head in my hands and wondered what Gruff Voice thought of That "psychotic" Girl who sent text messages about what a hateful person she is. Here's hoping he can't trace me...
or his Loving wife reads the blog and now understand the rather humorous side of it.
Ma'am, when I use the term Gruff Voice, I mean it as in comparison to my gentle friend Ashley's sweet soprano floating through the airwaves, not as a slam to your delightful husband's. It's sort of like expecting McDonald's Sweet Tea through the straw and getting soda water instead. It just gives you a jolt at first.
Well, for all of you who wished desperately not to have Thanksgiving pass you by before reading a Legendary "That Girl..." moment,
Wish granted! Consider it a down payment on the debt of gratitude I owe you for reading this blog.
Love you all!
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