That Girl Moment #464: Bridal Shower Fiasco.

Well, as I have told you GBRs before, I hate registry shopping. With the passion of a thousand burning suns. However, this weekend I found the place that actually makes wedding registry shopping a breeze. So of course, they are going out of business in short order.

I stopped by Linens 'N Things to pick up a gift for my former roommate Amy's bridal shower. Amy is part of my very close circle of college friends and actually met her husband-to-be in our friend group as well, so we are all really looking forward to the wedding and being in the same room again. We all miss each other so much!

Turns out, that store has it mastered. Once their registry comes up on the screen, you can pick a price range and the computer will print only the registry items in that price range, so it narrows down the confusion quite a bit. They also have other ways to organize it as well. It's awesome. In order to ruin my life, they have decided to fold. Thanks, friends.

So I bought Amy a Fiesta place setting in snazzy shamrock green--her kitchen is going to be done in limes--and for myself I got a KitchenAid can opener in pink to keep at Seth's house (Seth's can opener is rinky-dink to say the least-if you have used it, you KNOW. One time I had basically cut a hole in the side and had to let the beans in the can drip out one by one until he got back. Then he laughed a me for butchering the can.) Hello, it matches my mixer. And Julie said I had to have it. Yes!
RAZZLE DAZZLE!!
I also observed all of the other beautiful pink Kitchenaid accessories before moving on. Man I love that stuff. Seth did not like it when my friends told me about all the KitchenAid stuff because he does not want to have to contend with large quantities of pink things someday. So that's why I plan to accumulate these things one at a time.

I won't lie, it was the only time IN MY LIFE I had a "morning-after" regret, so to speak (Praise God) as I woke up for church on Sunday morning and had twinges of guilt for paying $12.99 for a can opener.

SUCKER. but back to the real story.

SO I thought about going ahead and getting the gift bag and the card once I bought the Fiesta ware, but I didn't because my stomach was creeped out: Olive Garden did me wrong AGAIN (that's another story--NEVER AGAIN). I was feeling pretty sick so we just went home. MISTAKE #1.


Come Sunday, I did not have a gift bag or a card. I called Jami, my BFF and asked her to pick up a card and bag at the store. She didn't have time, so when Nicole (my roommate) and Jami arrived, I got in the car and was elated to see a gift bag. So I unloaded said bag that Nicole had received, and tried to place the Fiesta ware box in it. MISTAKE #2.

The bag rips right down the side seam. Awesome. "Uhh, guys, the bag just ripped." It was too small. They started belly-laughing, for they are used to my "That Girl..." ways and tendencies. They have both lived with me, and they could tell you more stories than I can even remember. What can I say?

All the way there (Nicole is going 75+ up 41, so glad my State Trooper friends did not pull us over.) I am trying to devise a plan to wrap this gift. I am not MacGyver here folks, I can't even fix the run in my stockings. I look in purse: jackpot! I find a small notecard in my mammoth purse--it says "You're so Kind." That's not gonna work. I rip the front off of it and make Jami draw something. We are running late, so Wal-Mart is not an option. We pull into the church and Nicole decides to check her trunk for anything that can be used as wrapping paper-newspaper, a gift bag, something. MISTAKE #3.

Alas, there is one thing....

A plastic Maurice's bag. We all look at each other and simultaneously have the same thought: it matches the tissue paper from the D.O.A. gift bag that ripped from too much Fiesta. (hmmm, sermon illustration perhaps?)

YES. It's on. Jami and I plop Fiesta into the PLASTIC SACK while Nicole scurries to raid the tissue paper collected in the backseat of her car. We stuff it in the top and walk into the church.

Somehow, I am the one left holding the bag. literally. It's from all of us, but Jami is embarrassed so I carry our plastic bag into Shower Central using my mammoth purse (seriously, it's the color and size of an actually Caveman pet sans tusks.) to try and camouflage our tragic attempt at gift wrap. MISTAKE #4.

Of course, we are late so EVERYONE notices that Maurice's must now have some type of gift registry. Because every couple desperately needs hoop earrings. Whatever.

So We begin the shower. It's about at this time I realize that Jami has not finished THE CARD. So when she is done with her art, she hands it to me and nods toward the gift table. I knew what she wanted me to do. Oh well, I have already aligned myself with Mr. Maurice by carrying in the package. So I walk in front of everyone and place our ghetto homemade card into la plastica.

Then it's time for the gifts. Andy and Amy began opening gifts. Then it happened. Those who were running the shower like an efficient well-oiled machine said it would be good for the guest to STAND UP as Amy and Andy opened their gift. Jami, Nicole and I looked at each other and started silently shake-laughing like little hamsters.

You'd think I'd be better at buying shower gifts by now, wouldn't you?

Some things never change.